Only looking forward

We lost the baby last night.  It was sad, but surprisingly not as sad as I thought it was going to be.  I'm so thankful that I went to the Dr on Tues, that at least prepped me for what was to happen.  I cannot imagine having a healthy pregnancy and then having a miscarriage so I guess I'm lucky I had some advanced warning as to what I could expect.

Yes its sad, yes its disappointing but I can only look forward to what will happen next.  I'll get pregnant again when my body is ready and I'll keep my fingers crossed that it'll lead to a very healthy baby :)

Not so good news

Well I went to the Dr today as I was having some cramping and bleeding over the weekend and yesterday.  I had an ultrasound and the baby was only measuring about 5 weeks 6 days but based off my last period should be 7 weeks 4 days.  They also couldn't really get a good listen on the heart beat but the NP i spoke with after the ultrasound said the fetal heart rate was only at 60bpm.  A normal baby should at least be over 100bps with a normal baby coming in around 160-180.  The NP gave me sad eyes and talked like there really isn't a lot of hope.  I had a blood draw to get a baseline on my HCG levels and I go back in two days to have another draw to compare.  The levels should be doubling every 48 hours so if mine don't they said the pregnancy probably isn't viable and I will miscarry.

So its been a pretty rough day.  Im trying not to stress and to think on the positive side that maybe I'll beat the odds, but I really don't want to get my hopes up if come Friday there is only bad news.

Its not the end of the world.  I know I'm young, and I guess i know i can get pregnant so i just have to keep thinking that from letting myself get down.